A woman recently sought my advice on her relationship by asking the question, “My boyfriend is not willing to commit, what should I do?” 

To respond to the question appropriately, my first response is how long have you given the relationship a chance to grow & develop?  Until there is an adequate length of time for trust & openness to occur, one is just exploring the possibility of relationship.  Sometimes this will transpire within a few months & at other times if there has been a history of pain and negative past experiences, it may take longer for it to develop.  But if your boyfriend is not assuming the responsibility to heal the pain from the past, he may never be able to fully commit. 

Moreover it is not the length of time to build up a relationship of commitment, it is the depth. AND depth may be achieved with just one experience. A thorough analysis of one interactive situation can determine the level of commitment.

  • Did he care as his habit of caring/he was special in his approach? Many persons just have the habit of caring for others as a part of their personality. Their focus is not to initiate/ build up a relationship. So simply ask him what he would have done if it was some stranger in your place?
  • Was he with you during odd hours also/he was with you only when his comfort zone permitted him to be with you? Some people when in good mood help but when they are themselves feeling disturbed/feeling tired then they do not come forward to care for you & even behave irritably. If your hour of need & his comfort zone do not match then he is committed otherwise it still needs to be further explored & established.
  • Did he share with everybody that he cared for you/he maintained the dignity of expression? If he told everybody about helping you then your problem has been exposed & you might feel insulted/embarrassed in front of others. So just establish. These are a few questions that are important in coming to a conclusion. So ask self & feel for yourself, “What is his level of commitment?”

Before you seek relationship advice, my second response to this question is “What is your approach in the relationship?”  Are you fully present & committed?  Or are you waiting for him to show his commitment first?  You must let him know that you are open, willing, & able to commit by being totally accepting & supportive of him, his life, his work & those parts of his world that he is passionate about. 

The next consideration is whether he has his career/work established.  A man’s brain is hardwired to be a provider.  If he is putting a great deal of energy into starting his career, the relationship will take second place until he has an appropriate amount of energy to invest. This is not to say that it cannot happen, it is just more likely for a man to truly commit to a partner when he feels financially established.   

If there has been an adequate amount of time to establish positive feelings & trust in the relationship, then it is important to look below the surface to see what kind of fears might be holding him back.  If you are being open, willing & loving but he is still not returning the feelings then it is time to take a focused look at the relationship, based on love for yourself & investment of your energy.  Too often women stay with men because they see the potential of a relationship but it is not the reality.  Be willing to care about yourself enough to see it for what it really is & move on if he cannot return the same level of care, commitment & love.

Dr Rakesh Chopra, the Relationship Spiritual Mentor, is an international expert in Relationship Counseling & Advice. He also has the amazing ability to understand people’s personalities just by looking at a photograph of them. By looking at two people’s photos, he can advise on how to build their emotional compatibility. Read more at  http://www.drrakeshchopra.com. Also check out the CELEBRITY Profiles he has done!
 

IS HE THE RIGHT MAN FOR ME?

Dr Rakesh Chopra -Relationship Spiritual Mentor
http://www.drrakeshchopra.com

Perhaps you have been dating a man who seems to be very caring, loving & supportive. You wonder & want to seek relationship advice, “Is he the right man for me?”  How do you know if Mr. Right is going to be that man who will be willing to commit to a meaningful relationship & is a person who you can feel comfortable with for the rest of your life?  Here are a few guidelines that might help you make that decision.

When relationships begin, each person is putting on their best face.  Of course we don’t want the other person to know that down deep inside of us, we are really insecure & have characteristics about ourself that we keep hidden.  It is not until the relationship becomes committed or the legal binding of marriage occurs that it is safe to begin to allow that aspect to surface, with less fear that your partner is going to leave you. This is true for everyone on some level, whether one is conscious or unconscious about those insecurities.

It is common for that shadow side to surface after a commitment is made in the relationship, leaving feelings of disappointment.  The biggest flaws will be the deepest hidden. There are qualities of a man to look for that will let you know that your man is capable of sustaining a healthy relationship.  And this indeed forms the relevant part of relationship advice.

  1. How does your man handle conflict or resolve differences?
    Does he become quiet and refuse to discuss the problem?  Or is he willing to communicate about the differences & help to resolve the situation in a loving way?  Communication is essential to a successful relationship.  If your man shows signs of withdrawing, pouting, or becomes angry when a conflict arises, it is a major sign of emotional immaturity.  Both partners need to be able to address a problem by sharing their views & emotions without blaming the other. You cannot resolve a problem if he refuses to talk about it or isn’t emotionally connected well enough to know what he is feeling.  If there is no possibility of conflict, then perhaps the intimacy in the relationship may not be easily established.  That doesn’t mean that conflict is necessary, but it does mean that he should be willing to take the initiative to openly discuss difficult/controversial subjects & move out of any conflicting situation very easily. The relationship will then deepen.
  2. Does your man value your happiness? A successful relationship is maintained by both the partners by respecting & honoring their love by committing to each other’s best interests.  If you are with a man who doesn’t cherish your love, but is only concerned with his own happiness, be very wary.  He should be willing to go beyond his own self interests & see the worth of honoring those values that you aspire to & hold dear.  If you value financial responsibility then his life should show his commitment to a job & being sensible with debt.  And if family values are important to you then he must spend maximum time with the family. The relationship advice will be that your happiness must be his priority.
  3. Is your man considerate?
    A man should be dependable.  Does he show up when he says he will?  Does he say he is going to call & you don’t hear from him? You should be able to know that he stands by his word & you can trust him to be there when he says he is. To be in a successful relationship you should be able to lean on your man, knowing that he will be willing to be there for you.  Thus you will never feel the need of any relationship advice.

Dr Rakesh Chopra, the Relationship Spiritual Mentor, is an international expert in Relationship Counseling & Advice. He also has the amazing ability to understand people’s personalities just by looking at a photograph of them. By looking at two people’s photos, he can advise on how to build their compatibility.  Read more on http://www.DrRakeshChopra.com. Also check out the Celebrity Profiles done by him!

You may also read this article in Darpan Magazine being published from Vancouver, Canada!
http://www.darpanmagazine.com/index1.php?category=art&name=rightman