Blog

What to do when people take you for granted?

There are times in life when you feel that your people are taking you for granted thus don’t respect you for your seniority and your wisdom as well. The fact is you want to be friendly with them but still want them to respect your authority.

The question is why do they take you for granted? Simply because they know more and more about your shortcomings and your personal life. Your focus must be to ask them questions about their achievements and their areas of development. Discuss with them their goal in life and help them shape up their career track. Your precise focus is to listen to your team members and respond to their needs.

It is wisdom never to share about your personal life and never share with them your negative points. If your negative points are relevant to your job then on top priority focus to develop self in those areas and convert your negative areas into positive ones and more important – focus to be their leader and not their boss.

The best management skill one must have

Knowing and then learning the best management skill is the dream of many because otherwise there is a constant fight with the failure leading to frustrations. Without these primary management skills, every other skill is a waste.

A father wanted to fulfill his ambitions through his son. From son’s primary school days he had been telling him time and again to do an MBA before starting his career. Son was feeling irritated and felt management was something complicated.

Some people feel management is something tricky but the fact is it is very simple. Management means Manage Men and T means Time and the one who is managing is the Manager which means Man with Age means experience and R means relevant. The person with the relevant experience.

Now the most relevant management skill which every person must have is punctuality without which no person can succeed in one’s life. The other expression of punctuality is honoring every commitment even if it is with a so called insignificant person. Punctuality must become your working belief and thus honoring your commitment becomes one of your principals.

How to Prioritise your Priorities?

People are facing so many situations every day thus have little time. As a basic principle, you must define your priorities by focusing on the 80:20 rule which states that 80% of your results come from 20% of your goals or the activities. That means the priority focus is only the important effective 20%. But priorities also need to be defined in the right sequence.

The priorities can be well defined in three major categories. The first is Vital which means without which it is not possible to survive even. As a broad understanding, your job or business is vital because you get all the status and living comforts because of this vital only. The second is essential which means these are important for your living and basic needs as well. Your family comes under the broad heading of essential and the third is Desirable which gives you happiness at a personal level. Your hobbies, friends, and social activities come under this category.

The fact is all three Vital, Essential and Desirable are important. These must be lived together on weekly basis but in this sequence of Vital, Essential, and desirable thus that helps you in prioritizing your priorities.

How to live your 100% Concentration?

Building up your 100% concentration is different than practicing 100% concentration. Many people confuse living 100% concentration all the time. You must have heard people in love saying, “I want to live every moment of my life with you.”
Is it possible to live with any person, subject, or project all 24 hours or throughout your life?” Practically it is not possible. If you are to live with someone, every moment then your life will become hell.

Just imagine a situation – you want to discuss something very important with your senior. When you go to his room he is busy doing something. And he says “Keep on speaking, I am listening”. Practically you are with him for about an hour but are you feeling satisfied? NO. If he stops all of his work and asks you to share your concern. He has given you only 2 minutes but has given you his 100%, you feel satisfied.

The fact is people only want you when they need you and not all the time. You must give your 100% to the person or the project even if it is only for 1 minute. That precisely is the only way to live your 100% concentration.

How to keep healthy space with colleagues?

Every senior person will tell his subordinates to maintain distance while dealing with clients or even other members of the team. Even parents tell their daughters to maintain distance while being away on a tour. What exactly do they mean by the word distance? The one-word replacement of the word distance is respect – means behave in a way so that the other person respects you under all circumstances.

The best and the easiest way to earn respect is to develop a helping attitude as the first step – means help people without linking that help with any of your needs and to maintain that respect, never share your weak points which means physical handicaps – physical handicap means something you don’t know which is a must for you to justify your job.

Never share your weaknesses which means emotional handicaps because people will exploit your emotions and thus your respect will be gone. Never share your personal problems as then indirectly you have given them the freedom to interfere in your personal matters. Never open your heart unless you trust the person. And never criticize others as by doing so you are encouraging the other person to think, speak, or act against you. In all three situations, your respect will be minimized in their eyes.

And one more relevant piece of wisdom. Avoid putting demands on them because people don’t feel comfortable to be disturbed time and again. If you have a list of ten demands then give them a list of ten demands at one time only as that way the other person will perceive that as one demand and will be in a better position to organize his day. This way you will be able to maintain distance yet be close with your colleagues.

How to build your 100% concentration?

Many seniors keep on telling their juniors to have 100% concentration while working. Parents normally yell at their children to study with full concentration. Is it practically possible to develop concentration as a conscious effort? NO, it is simply neither possible nor practical. The fact is concentration has no existence of its own, it is only a reaction to something.

Why do you want to have concentrate? What is logic? The moment you define your logic to get what you exactly want then your need is defined. Only a well-defined need will lead to full concentration. While playing Tambola everyone is having full concentration to know about the terms and conditions regarding various lines and the houses. While filling up your form to apply for the visa you have full concentration because of your need to go to the country of your choice. You are fully aware that just one mistake and your visa will be rejected.

So if you want to have full concentration during your day-to-day performance then your primary focus must be to define each and every aspect of your need – specific and to the point.

How to accelerate in life, slowly?

Hasten slowly are two contrast expressions. The quickest way to accomplish something is to proceed deliberately – means to weigh all the options before arriving at a decision – a balanced decision.

Hasten means to add speed towards the fulfillment of your goals and slowly means contemplating the practical depth on all key areas in the process. The need is; clearly and specifically define all the steps in the structural chain on track of your goal achievement and work on each and every detail on all the key steps, at the same time. This way you gain speed in achieving your goals without any stress or struggle.

The opportunity and the time available for the completion of your projects is limited so you need to save every resource from being wasted. Activities must be performed with a proper balance of urgency and diligence. If tasks are rushed too quickly then mistakes are made and the desired long-term results are not achieved. Work is best done in a state of flow in which one is fully engaged by the task and there is no sense of time passing.

The consistency of gaining depth of each and every practical key step on your journey towards success and saving every precious resource from being wasted is the true expression of Hasten Slowly.

Is life same as the career?

When you ask people about their goals in life, the normal answer is a doctor, an engineer, an IAS officer, Army,  business, etc. The question was about life while the answer is mostly about the career. Is life the same as a career?

If you take an average of job hours on an annual basis, considering all holidays and weekends, etc. A normal average working day is equal to six hours. This way you have four working days equivalent to 24 hours. The first working day is meant for your job or business. The second working day is meant for rest or sleep. The third working day is meant for your routine activities while the fourth one is meant for self-development. It has the same power as the first working day. This fourth working day helps you develop your worth which indirectly helps you excel in your first working day – your job or your business.

Many people just focus to plan their career while their life remains unplanned because their life has not been planned so the first working day means the career role and responsibilities expand to fill in all 24 hours thus there is an overlapping of their roles and responsibilities in the other parts of life because life again needs to be lived as well. Thus it is time to understand that a Career is a part of life while life is not a part of your career. Life as a whole must be planned and not only the career.

How to unlearn stressful habits?

Learning to unlearn the stressful habits is a must because otherwise there will be a clash within your mind between what to do and what not to do. By definition, habits are something you do automatically, without any formal planning. Habits take years to be developed so is difficult to undo. But remember everything in life is difficult before that becomes easy.

It’s important for you to recognize that the old established understanding is no longer relevant or effective. You need to develop the relevant strategic planning to learn to unlearn your unwanted stressful habits. Ask yourself a question, “Why do I want to unlearn this habit?” Make an elaborate list of possible harmful effects of that particular habit and if you want to unlearn certain stressful habits then at the same time also decide which positive cum constructive value you want to adapt in your life.

Your habits have been programmed during the past many years so every time you implement your stressful habit, stop and remind yourself of the harmful effects of that particular stressful habit and promise to yourself that you will not repeat that in the future.

Perhaps you are aware that it is a must to repeat that unlearning process at least for 28 days because it takes a minimum of 28 days before a habit is formed. While promising not to implement that stressful habit also develop a clear concept of the value you want to adapt. In the same way, implements the new constrictive habit at least for 28 days.

How to reprimand, the practical guide?

Reprimand is a mild scolding. Reprimanding is a highly delicate subject. When people reprimand others they have three focus areas in their minds.

First is that the other person must realize one’s mistake. Second that he must be immediately motivated for future good performance and third that he develops more regard for them because they are helping them be successful. But what happens is just the reverse. The person is not focusing on his performance but on your negative behavior, his mood is off and he is feeling demotivated to work for the next 3-4 days, and respect simply out of question. Remember that there is a difference between a person and his recent performance. The so-called wrong has been done at the level of performance and people tend to attack the person only which is not fair. So while reprimanding, discuss the performance only and never the person.

Then wrong in whose eyes? It’s too judgemental. Who decides? Age is no criteria to decide about right or wrong. Till your goal is decided the right or the wrong can never be decided.

If your performance is matching the direction of your goal it is right otherwise it is wrong or simply unacceptable and remembers that nobody plans to commit mistakes – mistakes just happen and reprimand is not meant when some mistake happens. It is wisdom to forgive others even for those mistakes which might happen after 50 years because the fear of mistakes leads to mistakes. Crime can be planned but never a mistake.