When you ask people about their goals in life, the normal answer is a doctor, an engineer, an IAS officer, Army, business, etc. The question was about life while the answer is mostly about the career. Is life the same as a career?
If you take an average of job hours on an annual basis, considering all holidays and weekends, etc. A normal average working day is equal to six hours. This way you have four working days equivalent to 24 hours. The first working day is meant for your job or business. The second working day is meant for rest or sleep. The third working day is meant for your routine activities while the fourth one is meant for self-development. It has the same power as the first working day. This fourth working day helps you develop your worth which indirectly helps you excel in your first working day – your job or your business.
Many people just focus to plan their career while their life remains unplanned because their life has not been planned so the first working day means the career role and responsibilities expand to fill in all 24 hours thus there is an overlapping of their roles and responsibilities in the other parts of life because life again needs to be lived as well. Thus it is time to understand that a Career is a part of life while life is not a part of your career. Life as a whole must be planned and not only the career.
Learning to unlearn the stressful habits is a must because otherwise there will be a clash within your mind between what to do and what not to do. By definition, habits are something you do automatically, without any formal planning. Habits take years to be developed so is difficult to undo. But remember everything in life is difficult before that becomes easy.
It’s important for you to recognize that the old established understanding is no longer relevant or effective. You need to develop the relevant strategic planning to learn to unlearn your unwanted stressful habits. Ask yourself a question, “Why do I want to unlearn this habit?” Make an elaborate list of possible harmful effects of that particular habit and if you want to unlearn certain stressful habits then at the same time also decide which positive cum constructive value you want to adapt in your life.
Your habits have been programmed during the past many years so every time you implement your stressful habit, stop and remind yourself of the harmful effects of that particular stressful habit and promise to yourself that you will not repeat that in the future.
Perhaps you are aware that it is a must to repeat that unlearning process at least for 28 days because it takes a minimum of 28 days before a habit is formed. While promising not to implement that stressful habit also develop a clear concept of the value you want to adapt. In the same way, implements the new constrictive habit at least for 28 days.
Reprimand is a mild scolding. Reprimanding is a highly delicate subject. When people reprimand others they have three focus areas in their minds.
First is that the other person must realize one’s mistake. Second that he must be immediately motivated for future good performance and third that he develops more regard for them because they are helping them be successful. But what happens is just the reverse. The person is not focusing on his performance but on your negative behavior, his mood is off and he is feeling demotivated to work for the next 3-4 days, and respect simply out of question. Remember that there is a difference between a person and his recent performance. The so-called wrong has been done at the level of performance and people tend to attack the person only which is not fair. So while reprimanding, discuss the performance only and never the person.
Then wrong in whose eyes? It’s too judgemental. Who decides? Age is no criteria to decide about right or wrong. Till your goal is decided the right or the wrong can never be decided.
If your performance is matching the direction of your goal it is right otherwise it is wrong or simply unacceptable and remembers that nobody plans to commit mistakes – mistakes just happen and reprimand is not meant when some mistake happens. It is wisdom to forgive others even for those mistakes which might happen after 50 years because the fear of mistakes leads to mistakes. Crime can be planned but never a mistake.
A manager was ambitious and wanted to become a leader. On his next assignment, he focused to generate closeness with his subordinates. But alas the distance was gone. His subordinates took him for granted, ignored his instructions, and took him for a ride. He never wanted to get closeness at this heavy cost. So during his next assignment, he focused to maintain distance. Now people were afraid to talk with him and were avoiding him most of the time. He was confused. He didn’t know what to do. One day he came across this statement. Almost everybody in this world has one common problem, “Nobody understands me”. And when you will help him understand that you understand him then he will feel close to you.
People feel they are understood in two situations. One when you praise them and second when you listen to them. So praise them genuinely, ask a linked question, and listen intently. This way you will be able to generate closeness in the relationship. One word replacement for the distance is respect. This means the other person must respect you under all circumstances.
It is wisdom never to share your personal feelings or situation with other people unless you trust them 100%. This is the best way to develop closeness and yet maintain distance.
Praising someone is a very delicate subject so must be done carefully. Please never praise for the sake of praising. Seek qualities of the other person like a hunter because the first point is to praise only the qualities of the person – quality practically means where the person has invested his time and energy to develop something. Be specific while praising. A clear and precise focus is essential. Only one point at a time and during that time nothing else must be discussed.
Be Honest because dishonest praise is flattery which practically nobody likes. Even a weak person will prefer to have genuine praise only. Be brief because if you keep on praising for a long time they feel embarrassed and you have often heard this expression, “please stop pulling my legs”. The maximum time to praise is 30 seconds or say a maximum of 50 words only. Sometimes even a thumb sign is enough which means well done.
Convey true feelings that are different from being honest. Being honest is a fact while your true feelings about how you feel about their achievement is rather important and touching their heart. Be spontaneous but at the right moment so that the person can feel the power of your praise and the most important is to ask a linked question and listen intently as that helps the person understand that you understand him – that’s the power of praise.
In life, people face so many unmanageable situations which they call problems. One needs 100% concentration to deal with these problems but that doesn’t happen with most people. Every problem has its own response time which can vary from say to even one year or more as well. The fact is before the response time of one problem is over another problem comes which again has its own response time and so on. Thus there is an overlapping of response times. As a result, one is unable to give 100% concentration to any of the problems. So what to do?
The focus must be to reduce the response time to the minimum because if not managed then the response time becomes the tension time. And if the response time is reduced to say one minute or less for every problem situation then there will not be any overlapping at all. The only way to reduce the response time to the minimum is to develop the habit of taking correct and quick decisions – correct as of the first step.
Focus on 10 problems and 10 minutes approach. The method is to keep on writing all of your problems and keep one time fixed as problem-solving time. Tackle all the problems in a row one by one. Because every problem is different so you will gradually develop the habit to make correct and quick decisions. Same way for your meetings in the office, call 10 people at one time only say 11 am and talk to each one – one after another. This way you will be able to reduce your response time to the minimum and at the same time, you will be able to give 100% concentration to each person or the situation.
Who is the biggest enemy of mankind because once that enemy comes, one has sleepless nights, blood boils with anger and the peace from within is completely shattered and that enemy is an insult but let me ask you a simple question, “Can anybody in the world insult you? Or you yourself are feeling insulted?” The fact is nobody can insult you and because only you yourself feel insulted so only you need to focus on your behavior as that indeed needs to be developed.
Insult indeed is an attack on your ego – your self-respect. EGO means Esteem Gets Offended. Insult basically is the gap between expectations and reality. When you get less than expected then you feel insulted but when you get more than your expectations then you feel loved and respected. Others can only respect you for those qualities which they have experienced with you.
The best way to get over an insult is to live at zero level means no expectations at all. Care for people and they will respect you for all those qualities which they have experienced. The best way to get over an insult is to live without any expectations at all – at zero levels only.
Though many people are using their best but still are unable to use all of their strengths. Are you using all of your strength? Let’s gain clarity on how to make the best use of your strength.
An ambitious entrepreneur and her mentor were walking along a forest path. At some point, they came across a large tree branch on the ground in front of them. The girl asked her mentor, “If I try, do you think I could move that branch?” Her mentor replied, “I am sure you can if you use all your strength.” The girl tried her best to lift or push the branch, but she was not strong enough and she couldn’t move it. She said, with disappointment, “You were wrong, Sir. I can’t move it.” “Try again with all your strength,” replied her mentor. Again, the girl tried hard to push the branch. She struggled but it did not move. “Sir, I cannot do it,” said the girl. Finally, her mentor said, “Young lady, I advised you to use ‘all your strength’. You didn’t. You didn’t ask for my help.”
Our real strength lies not in independence, but in codependence.No individual person has all the strengths, all the resources, and all the stamina required for the complete blossoming of their vision. To ask for help and support when we need it is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of wisdom.
Many people are confused regarding the right application of two expressions – aptitude and attitude. Aptitude is the potential of a person to do certain things due to the natural or the inborn ability or accumulated knowledge and experience. Since it has more to do with intelligence, it can be acquired and enhanced through training and experience.
Aptitude is more about management of a problem or a situation. While attitude is the way a person understands, perceives and responds to certain situations. It is more of a behavioural aspect and can be improved gradually via introspection and self-motivation. It cannot be quantified.
Attitude is related to existing abilities and skills with certain perceptions. It is how a person perceives something. Attitude is associated with character or virtues. It means attitude depends upon underlying values.
It has been observed that the people who keep on struggling in their lives lack the intention and thus the process of maintenance in life – be itself or machines or teams. If you maintain your team members by giving them professional freedom and care for their needs at the same time, they will develop and grow at great speed thus enhancing the productivity and profitability of your organization.
In the process, their worth has immensely increased and they are in the position to add high value to each and every project the organization you are working on. Perhaps the value addition made by them is worth 100 times the worth of fresh people joining your organization. When you maintain your machines well, these run for 20 years otherwise these run out just within 2 years. As a result of proper maintenance, you can imagine the tremendous growth in productivity and profitability thus in the process saving tremendous resources from being wasted.
The maintenance can be both proactive and reactive. Proactive maintenance is always the best as that happens through the visionary process defined before the performance starts. While preparation for reactive maintenance is also essential.
One must understand the clear difference between urgency and emergency. Emergency maintenance needs immediate attention and can be highly expensive. Urgent maintenance can wait for normal business hours and is possible only through the visionary understanding of thorough strategic planning.