How to develop closeness yet maintain distance?

A manager was ambitious and wanted to become a leader. On his next assignment, he focused to generate closeness with his subordinates. But alas the distance was gone. His subordinates took him for granted, ignored his instructions, and took him for a ride. He never wanted to get closeness at this heavy cost. So during his next assignment, he focused to maintain distance. Now people were afraid to talk with him and were avoiding him most of the time. He was confused. He didn’t know what to do. One day he came across this statement. Almost everybody in this world has one common problem, “Nobody understands me”.  And when you will help him understand that you understand him then he will feel close to you.

People feel they are understood in two situations. One when you praise them and second when you listen to them. So praise them genuinely, ask a linked question, and listen intently. This way you will be able to generate closeness in the relationship. One word replacement for the distance is respect. This means the other person must respect you under all circumstances.

It is wisdom never to share your personal feelings or situation with other people unless you trust them 100%. This is the best way to develop closeness and yet maintain distance.

How to reprimand, the practical guide?

Reprimand is a mild scolding. Reprimanding is a highly delicate subject. When people reprimand others they have three focus areas in their minds.

First is that the other person must realize one’s mistake. Second that he must be immediately motivated for future good performance and third that he develops more regard for them because they are helping them be successful. But what happens is just the reverse. The person is not focusing on his performance but on your negative behavior, his mood is off and he is feeling demotivated to work for the next 3-4 days, and respect simply out of question. Remember that there is a difference between a person and his recent performance. The so-called wrong has been done at the level of performance and people tend to attack the person only which is not fair. So while reprimanding, discuss the performance only and never the person.

Then wrong in whose eyes? It’s too judgemental. Who decides? Age is no criteria to decide about right or wrong. Till your goal is decided the right or the wrong can never be decided.

If your performance is matching the direction of your goal it is right otherwise it is wrong or simply unacceptable and remembers that nobody plans to commit mistakes – mistakes just happen and reprimand is not meant when some mistake happens. It is wisdom to forgive others even for those mistakes which might happen after 50 years because the fear of mistakes leads to mistakes. Crime can be planned but never a mistake.

How to unlearn stressful habits?

Learning to unlearn the stressful habits is a must because otherwise there will be a clash within your mind between what to do and what not to do. By definition, habits are something you do automatically, without any formal planning. Habits take years to be developed so is difficult to undo. But remember everything in life is difficult before that becomes easy.

It’s important for you to recognize that the old established understanding is no longer relevant or effective. You need to develop the relevant strategic planning to learn to unlearn your unwanted stressful habits. Ask yourself a question, “Why do I want to unlearn this habit?” Make an elaborate list of possible harmful effects of that particular habit and if you want to unlearn certain stressful habits then at the same time also decide which positive cum constructive value you want to adapt in your life.

Your habits have been programmed during the past many years so every time you implement your stressful habit, stop and remind yourself of the harmful effects of that particular stressful habit and promise to yourself that you will not repeat that in the future.

Perhaps you are aware that it is a must to repeat that unlearning process at least for 28 days because it takes a minimum of 28 days before a habit is formed. While promising not to implement that stressful habit also develop a clear concept of the value you want to adapt. In the same way, implements the new constrictive habit at least for 28 days.

Is life the same as a career?

When you ask people about their goals in life, the normal answer is a doctor, an engineer, an IAS officer, Army,  business, etc. The question was about life while the answer is mostly about the career. Is life the same as a career?

If you take an average of job hours on an annual basis, considering all holidays and weekends, etc. A normal average working day is equal to six hours. This way you have four working days equivalent to 24 hours. The first working day is meant for your job or business. The second working day is meant for rest or sleep. The third working day is meant for your routine activities while the fourth one is meant for self-development. It has the same power as the first working day. This fourth working day helps you develop your worth which indirectly helps you excel in your first working day – your job or your business.

Many people just focus to plan their career while their life remains unplanned because their life has not been planned so the first working day means the career role and responsibilities expand to fill in all 24 hours thus there is an overlapping of their roles and responsibilities in the other parts of life because life again needs to be lived as well. Thus it is time to understand that a Career is a part of life while life is not a part of your career. Life as a whole must be planned and not only the career.

What’s the difference: Attitude and Aptitude?

Many people are confused regarding the right application of two expressions – aptitude and attitude. Aptitude is the potential of a person to do certain things due to the natural or the inborn ability or accumulated knowledge and experience. Since it has more to do with intelligence, it can be acquired and enhanced through training and experience.

Aptitude is more about management of a problem or a situation. While attitude is the way a person understands, perceives and responds to certain situations. It is more of a behavioural aspect and can be improved gradually via introspection and self-motivation. It cannot be quantified.

Attitude is related to existing abilities and skills with certain perceptions. It is how a person perceives something. Attitude is associated with character or virtues. It means attitude depends upon underlying values.

How to grow through maintenance?

It has been observed that the people who keep on struggling in their lives lack the intention and thus the process of maintenance in life – be itself or machines or teams.
If you maintain your team members by giving them professional freedom and care for their needs at the same time, they will develop and grow at great speed thus enhancing the productivity and profitability of your organization.

In the process, their worth has immensely increased and they are in the position to add high value to each and every project the organization you are working on. Perhaps the value addition made by them is worth 100 times the worth of fresh people joining your organization. When you maintain your machines well, these run for 20 years otherwise these run out just within 2 years. As a result of proper maintenance, you can imagine the tremendous growth in productivity and profitability thus in the process saving tremendous resources from being wasted.

The maintenance can be both proactive and reactive. Proactive maintenance is always the best as that happens through the visionary process defined before the performance starts. While preparation for reactive maintenance is also essential.

One must understand the clear difference between urgency and emergency. Emergency maintenance needs immediate attention and can be highly expensive. Urgent maintenance can wait for normal business hours and is possible only through the visionary understanding of thorough strategic planning.